I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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