I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
