Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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