Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
