people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
