Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
