I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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