a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
