you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
But theres a keg here and me gusta
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
