I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
