i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
