Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
