I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
