This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
