would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no you cant smoke seaweed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
