you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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