I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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