nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
