I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
