my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize