idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
