No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
