That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
