I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
BRING THE BAGELS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
