Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's like iHOP with fire
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
