Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
