I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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