Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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