he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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