im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
