Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
