I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
