I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
