I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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