I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize