Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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