in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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