Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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