I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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