Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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