he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
