I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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