return my video game
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
