tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
