you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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