it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
