Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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