I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Boobs are out for the taking
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
