I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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