It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
