u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
