I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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