i think i have two assholes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
