She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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