i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
