let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
