Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
