If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
