Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
