I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
