Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
