I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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